It's Christmas Day and I'm emotionally wreck and I am about to burst. Spent the entire morning contemplating how crappy my family is but any moment now i am about to cry. Yep, my eyes are swollen right now and my tears seemed to flow non-stop. I am now here at my bestfriend's house seeking comfort with her warm presence and Thank God her family's ok with that. This is my first time to spend Christmas with her. I don't really believe in Christmas so.. This day is really crappy for me but at least I am happy to be with Anne. Thank God!

My Dad said something at me hours ago that totally blew my mind. It wasn't necessary to point out something that you don't preach especially when you point out things you don't even do. I don't know what drugs did he take this morning or how nonchalant it is for him to be the same person that he is now after what has happened. It was a disaster and he couldn't do something about it and now he tells me what i should do. It was another reason to go out of the house and seek solace somewhere else. I really can't take it to be there and see their faces and pretend nothing's wrong with the family. I really can't take it to see them see me cry. I am very much affected by all of this sh*t and it seems to me that i am the only one.

It's really funny how everyone sees me as an apathetic person when deep inside i am the opposite. I get affected easily by family problems and the like and i had enough of it. I care too much it hurts. I think this is a pathetic feeling, to be here contemplating about our damaged relationships that will never end and learn something from it.

How come i am deeply affected by something and pretend it does not exist? I am tired of caring. I am tired of being boggled by strained relationships, i am tired of witnessing every crappy things people do to hurt people. Sometimes i can't help but ask myself why do i care so much for things that will do nothing but hurt me in the end? WHY?