December 20, 2007
thursday

Months ago i told my friend Anne that i plan to blog about our classmate named Star 'cause i kind of thought of her everytime i visit cavite city and it's been years since i last saw her. Everytime i pass by padre pio i wondered if she's at home, wondered what does she looks like now and how is she after all these years. I wonder how she's changed through the years or if time has managed to make her different at all. I also planned to apologize to her for being such a brat and a pain in the ass 'cause i know for a fact that i wasn't that nice at all to her back then. Back in high school i remember being with her a lot of times especially whenever classes would end and we would be playing basketball at the end of the day or just hang out somewhere in school along with some classmates.

I met her in first year high school and we thought her name was 'Listerine' 'cause that was how our teacher (Mrs. de la Torre) pronounced it on roll call and she didn't came into class on our first day. She was in many ways known to most people in and outside school because.. er.. i don't exactly know but i have my hunches. She would always be in a lot of trouble and most of the time i wondered why she's always associated with all those troubles and scandals i can't really remember how it came to be but have had happened. She was also popular among higher batches 'coz she's always hanging out with some of them and likes boy stuffs like basketball and trading cards. I even envied her 'cause she got to talk to my crush talking about cards and whatnot while i could not even find any reason why my crush would even talk to me. She even bit my finger one time 'cause we were arguing about some petty things and bit me all of a sudden.

I remember her being a meanie when it comes to certain things but most of the time she's kind to most people i know and shared secrets with some. We all thought it was about other people's influence on her that's why she had that negative vibe in her and somehow tried to change her by advising her on what to do. It's really hard changing a person's perception in life especially when they grew up differently. It was not a right thing to do in the first place but we really wanted her to change but then later on gave up 'cause it was not meant to be. Maybe she really tried but couldn't.

Mabait naman si Star. Lagi nga syang andun kapag may nagkakaproblema at nag aadvise kahit na alam naming may kakaiba sa advice nya and all that. Nakakatawa sya minsan. Sya lang yung taong sinasamahan ako sa mga trip ko kasi hindi mahilig yung iba sa basketball, gumala, at tumambay sa bahay ng mga kaklase. Natatandaan ko rin madalas nya akong ilibre kasi madalas wala akong pera. Conspicuous din sya madalas kaya siguro napapaaway.. Marami akong naalala sa kanya at alam kong ganun din ang iba ko pang classmate na madalas din nyang nakasama.

She was in many ways different. I know for a fact that most of the memories i had with her were both good and bad and it has taught me things but now it dawned on me that i do not know her that well at all. Eventhough i have spent a lot of time with her, i don't think i know her enough to read her thoughts or how she'd react to things. And i am greatly disturbed and surprised and up to now i am in denial that this is how you chose to end things..

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Star,
BAKIT?

Hindi ko parin maintindihan kung bakit mo ginawa 'to.. At kahit hindi ka maniwala, masakit para sakin na malaman na ginawa mo 'to.. At alam kong huli na ang pagkakataon para sabihin ko sayo'ng Salamat sa lahat, naging masaya yung sandaling nagkasama tayo.

Sana pala sinunod ko yung instincts ko kasi sa tuwing napapadaan ako sa inyo gusto sana kitang dalawin pero hindi naman ako tumutuloy. Gusto ko sana humingi Sorry kung hindi ako naging mabuting kaibigan at kung trinato ba kita ng mali. Sorry talaga.

Salamat kasi binago mo rin ako nang makilala kita at marami din akong natutunan syo. Hindi ko makakalimutan yung mga panahong magkasama tayo, naging masaya ako, Salamat. Gusto ko sana 'to sabihin syo ng personal pero alam kong hindi na mangyayari yon. Hindi na rin kita makikita.. Hindi ko alam kung ano yung mga iniisip mo nitong nakaraan, hindi ko rin alam kung gaano kasakit yung naramdaman mo pero sana hindi ka nagpadala sa nararamdaman mo pero para saan pa na sinasabi ko 'to..? Hindi mo naman malalaman eh.

Panalangin ko na lang, kung saan ka man naroon ngayon (alam ko natutulog ka lang at maghihintay) sana.. sana.. kahit papaano kahit sa paraang pinili mo, kahit na mali yun sa pananaw ng maraming tao, sana nawala yung sakit na nararamdaman mo kasi di mo na talaga makayanan.

Akala ko talaga makikita pa kita hanggang sa matagal na panahon.

Hindi ko talaga alam kung ano pa ang pwede kong sabihin.
Sana, kahit papaano lumigaya ka noong nandirito ka pa...